6 Features the Big Three Should Have Put in Every Car

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6 Features the Big Three Should Have Put in Every Car

By Aaron Klemow ⋅ December 3, 2008 ⋅ Post a comment ⋅

So the big three are a little bit screwed right now. If they are going to survive, they are going to need either a massive government loan (no comment) or a massive increase in the demand for their cars. The sad fact of the matter is though that due to decades worth of poor product decisions, that demand simply doesn’t exist. Even though the big three are finally beginning to offer competitive vehicles, the perception of quality just isn’t there. The thing is though that there is a huge gap in the market that no car company, not even Honda or Toyota, has been able to fill. What I am trying to say is that although there are companies that are building great cars, there are no companies building cars with the features that I really want. Now I am happy with the direction that the automotive market has taken. New cars come with enough gadgets and electronics to make some older James Bond films look lame in comparison, but despite obvious demand, the good stuff still isn’t there. Anyway, let me explain what I am on about.

Missiles

Any time I have to drive anywhere that is farther than say 200 miles away, I go in the middle of the night. There are two reasons for this. I hate traffic, and I hate stupidity. The fact of the matter is that there are far too many other cars on the road and the people inside of them are terrible at driving. As far as I am concerned in the majority of cases, road rage is justified. Endangering my life because you need to talk on your cellphone is simply not acceptable and neither is rubber necking. The answer of course is a compact yet powerful on board weapons system. Whoever makes a car with missiles that come out from behind the headlights is going to make lots of money.

Flight Capability

A more peaceful solution to the traffic problem would be a flying car. Morons in front of you? No problem! Take off and fly to your destination. Now that we have computers and airplanes can pretty much fly themselves, I don’t understand what the problem is. The flying car has been on the drawing board forever. Whoever makes a viable flying car system is going to sell a heck of a lot of cars, and as far as I can tell, only massive companies with billions of dollars have the kind of capital to actually make it work.

Jet Engines

Have you ever seen a 747 with a piston engine? Neither have I. The recent trend of more and more powerful cars shows that people want power and the jet engine provides that in spades. Also, jet thrust is a great first step if you want to build that flying car. The thing is though that GM did this already. You have the ability, build the freaking car! “Mine has a V8″ isn’t half as cool as “Mine has a turbine.”

Gullwing Doors

The sheer awesomeness of the “Back to the Future” trilogy means that every 10 year old wants a DeLorean as their first car. This is pretty reasonable considering that the DeLorean does have a lot going for it. It’s shiny and it flies in the movie but what really makes it awesome are the gullwing doors. I back up my case by pointing to the classic Mercedes 300SL which is highly sought after by collectors. They said the DeLorean was ahead of its time but that time has now come. Give me awesome doors.

Nuclear Power

As great as the recent nosedive in oil prices has been for my wallet, the world is still addicted to oil. We talk about breaking our addiction by using alternative fuels and hydrogen but I feel like none of those options are good enough. The thing is, there is a perfectly good answer is sitting right in front of us. A nuclear powered car would have unlimited range and zero emissions. If it’s good enough for the Navy’s subs and aircraft carriers, it’s good enough for me. So yeah, disposal would be a pain and the radioactive contamination every time there was a car accident would be a bummer, but so what? Oh and one more thing, Ford already did this.

Hotness

The sad fact of the automotive world is relative lack of truely great looking cars that you can buy without spending big bucks. Not to say some of today’s machines aren’t good looking but the really great design just isn’t what it used to be. It didn’t use to be this way. I want to know what happened to giant tail fins. I want to know what happened to cars that make you say wow. For example, look at the old Chevy Impala compared to the one you can buy today and see what I mean. I want my car to look like the Batmobile.

So lets sum this up.