Offbeat

How to Ruin the Internet in 5 Easy Steps

We are currently in the middle of a global revolution in communication technology. Our ability to disseminate information quickly and efficiently via the internet continues to develop at an alarming rate. Nobody can argue just how significant this is to modern society and the democratic process. As each generation grows up immersed in more and more technology, humanity’s ability to work together and accomplish fantastic goals will only grow with better and better communication.

You however are one of the select few that are repulsed by the betterment of humanity. You are disgusted by the very idea of conflicting opinions and intelligent discussion. You even find great joy in disregarding facts and blatantly ignoring social norms. You are an Internet Troll and it is your mission in life to take joy from others in any and every way you can. It is for you that I have written this guide so I may aid you in making the Internet experience as annoying as humanly possible.

Have an Obnoxious Screen Name

One of your primary mission objectives as a troll is to irritate and offend as many people as possible. A great place to start is with your screen name. If you need direction here, I suggest something politically, sexually and racially offensive.

Be a Wiki-Douche

There is such a vast amount of information available on the web because anybody can contribute. Take advantage of this and be sure to change information in Wikipedia articles as you see fit. If somebody changes your nonsensical and highly biased commentary, change it back. Incorrect facts should be spread at any and all costs.

Always Detract When Commenting

If you happen to find an intelligent discussion on sites such as Digg or Reddit, it is your duty to destroy it. Post inappropriate images of Pedobear, make stupid jokes about political figures, and if you feel the need to write long detailed commentary about how stupid your fellow posters are, be sure never to back up your claims with facts and avoid using spell-checker at all costs. You will find it hard not to giggle when you see the way people react to comments like “Buried for Freedom Hating Libtard Huffington Post Spam.” You get extra points if the article is question wasn’t even published on the Huffington Post.

Hold Illogical Double Standards

As a troll, it is your job to attack the credibility of any and all websites. When you do inevitably decide to cite information to back up your hostile criticism, make sure your citations come from highly biased and non accredited sources.

Be Inappropriately Skeptical

If you come across an amazing or inspirational photo, be sure to comment “FAKE,” or “SHOPPED.” This obviously works well when the photo is definitely real and from a credible source. It also works when the photo is obviously fake. Nothing adds less to a discussion than an obvious comment.

© 2008 The Daily Interweb.