1. You must tailgate at all times. If you are more than a foot away from the car in front of you, you are not trying hard enough.
2. Never turn off your high beams. You get extra points if they are aimed up.
3. Signaling lets others know where you are going. Winning the race is easier if other cars can never be sure where you plan to go next.
4. Always weave through traffic. Your car was built with extremely advanced suspension and handling. Use it.
5. Speed limits are for suckers. Live a little.
6. Never check your mirrors when you are changing lanes. When you are traveling over 100 mph in a car with drum brakes, it is important to keep your eyes on the road at all times.
7. Don’t talk on the phone. You have an unlimited texting plan. Use it.
8. Your parking brake is actually designed for handbrake turns. Make sure to practice on wet roads at high speeds. Good drifters are sideways at all times.
9. Everybody loves the sound your car makes with your new exhaust. Share this sound with as many people as you can by driving through residential neighborhoods at wide open throttle no earlier than 2 a.m.
10. Don’t upgrade your brakes when you buy bigger rims. Physics doesn’t apply to your car. Stopping distances don’t matter as much as looks anyway.